I Bet You Write, Right?

I'm sure ALL of you read, I know you do, but do you write? I write all the time, its never any thing good, and I ALWAYS come to a standstill. I start out with these incredible ideas I just can't escape. Then stuff comes up, I start to doubt my skills, I start to doubt my idea, and I have one answer for that. That idea wasn't worth it, if its a truly brilliant idea, it won't fade away, and NOTHING will stop you from writing it. Somewhere down the road if you pick up inspiration, and you start to think of that long lost story you abandoned, then pick it back up, finish it. These are just my own thoughts, if you can't get past something, then its just not meant to be, if you aren't happy with it, how can you expect someone else to like the book. These are all the things standing in this girls way, but what stands in your way? November is the perfect month for you to examine it, why? Its National Novel Writing Month. I struggle everyday with what to write, but my main struggle is what genre should I write, I like so many. I'm always confused about what age to make my characters, what time period to put them in, what struggle to give them. I am a fan of so many different genres its like opening a closet, and then having the overstuffed contents bombard you, so many options. Personally before I even start  a story, I have to know how it ends, what the climax will be, the setting, the names of the characters, all of that good stuff. The structure comes first, for me anyway, everything has to happen in a certain order, otherwise it makes no sense. Then my second BIG struggle would be, the characters, after I know what will happen then its time to worry about who its going to happen to. I want them to be real that is my main goal always, no matter what is happening to them. One thing I want to achieve before I die is to create a totally unlikeable MC, but have you the reader on their side, you root for them despite their flaws. When all that is complete, I freak out over my tense, is it now this is all happening, do I have some unknown narrator, is it in the future, or is this all in the past, then I start to switch tenses throughout the story, its very stupid. Also, its really something I should not have a problem with, but I do. Grammar is a giant monster sent to wreck havoc on my vision, it wants to make me feel like my idea is worthless, no matter how brilliant the idea is, no one is going to want to sift through pages of nonsense. Grammar keeps me from finishing stories I am really passionate about, because I get stuck, I can't find the write words, or I'm just not feeling confident. Another horrible thing that makes me hit the brakes is the dreaded inward observation, I'm wasting my time. Then, as if you thinking it isn't enough, someone else goes and confirms it. They tell you to get a life, stop hiding behind your computer screen, do something constructive, all those hurtful comments, actually hurt. Writing isn't easy, in my personal opinion putting something on display you created is never easy. I think the fact I like to write makes me view the world differently. I see people doing everyday mundane things, and I can envision their story taking shape in my head. It leads people to call me, dreamy, spacey, distant, disconnected, but the truth is I'm so connected its hard to concentrate on other things. I know a girl, not personally, but I see her in this restaurant I frequent, and every single time I encounter her, I feel like I want to tell a story about her. Maybe not her actual story, but she is a character I want in one of my stories, her physical features, her personality, I just feel drawn to it, its really weird, and I don't even personally know her, its just something about her. This entire article was even hard to write because I never talk about writing, its something I tend to keep to myself. My parents want me to write, my Dad encourages me more than anyone else, but the thought of being judged is scary. I think the main reason I can never finish a story is because, if I finish one then its all a reality, writing seems to be a complicated endeavor in general. Some days I think I'll just be a reader, but then an idea starts to blossom, and I can't deny it. Writing is something I don't think you can escape.